Hannah:
Before the engagement:
I've written an embarrassing number of letters to my future husband over the years, but I have to say this is a first. Everyone who knows me knows I don't do well with surprises, lack of control, or the unknown. So you can imagine how much fun this stage of life has been. To clarify, what I'm referring to is the fact that I have a serious boyfriend. I love the serious boyfriend. We picked out a ring. We talked baby names. We know each other's deepest darkest secrets and have each other's birthmarks counted. It doesn't get more official than this.
When you're a girl, you always dream of the proposal. You basically drool at the thought of someone loving you so much that they decide to ask to live the rest of their lives alongside you. So much that they use their time, money, and decidedly inferior planning skills to choose when and how to ask you the most important question of both of your lives. You fantasize about the ring and all the ways to subtly show it off to everyone around you.
You don't typically consider the waiting in your daydreams, however. The time after you've had the important talks, when you've discreetly begun adding to your wedding Pinterest board religiously for the first time since eighth grade, but your left finger is still empty. It's too soon to start actually planning, and I've actually had to make a conscious effort to NOT consume wedding content online. If I let myself begin to plan, the entire event would be booked and coordinated before the proposal even happens. Therefore, I have wedding blinders on.
Don't get me wrong, there isn't a rush. I'm so happy in this life stage and so happy with our relationship, I'm in no hurry. Whenever it happens, it will be the stuff of daydreams and the happiest day of my life. The thing is, once you know something is coming but not when, you tend to keep an eye out for any and all signs. For example, Austin hasn't been able to tie his shoe without my heart stopping for a month now. I tend to perform a TSA-level pat down every time I hug Austin just in case there's a suspicious package hiding in his back pocket. So far, it's just been his car keys. If he asks me out on a date, I start practicing shocked faces in the mirror to make sure we don't have a Kim Kardashian ugly-cry situation. It's been very taxing on me. My nails haven't looked this consistently good in years.
All jokes and wedding planning anecdotes aside, this time is really unlike any other. I've known since I met Austin that he clicked with me like no one else ever has. He brings a different kind of sunshine to my life. I look at him and I see my future. I don't see a glittery ring or a tasteful - yet - glamorous bohemian chic ceremony. I look at him and I see the face I want to fall asleep next to every night. I see the cheeks I want to smother with kisses as soon as I get home from work. I look at him and who I want to share my good news and bad news and everything in between with. I see babies with his eyes and holding his hand in the car and a lifetime of laughing at his perfectly inappropriate sense of humor. I look at him and I see a marriage, not just a wedding.
I am over the mood giddy at the thought of my dream guy putting my dream ring on my finger. But even more than that, my heart floods with all kinds of embarrassingly mushy sentiment about making Austin Ruder my fiancé and then one day, my husband.
Until then, I'll keep making poorly timed jokes about Austin dragging his feet and do my best not to ruin whatever his sweet man brain has planned.
After the engagement:
It finally happened, y'all. He finally got down on one knee and it wasn't a prank or an untied shoe. I'd like to detail how amazing and perfect it was, but truthfully it was all an amazing and perfect blur.
On October 31st, otherwise known as Halloween, my sweet boyfriend drove me down to Eureka Springs because I wanted to spend the holiday in a spooky haunted city. I was only moderately grumpy that our day of fun had to be cut short because of 'family photos' that evening. I grumbled and my good sport of a boyfriend just bit his tongue. We had macaroons, margaritas (or I did, he drove) and all the small town fun we could squeeze into a six hour period. When it was time to drive back to get ready for family photos, I was a little disappointed that our festivities were over.
My first clue came when I was mid-curl, fixing my hair from the damage the wind had done earlier in the day. Austin, who is perpetually late to anything and everything, popped his head into the bathroom to ask if I was ready. The man who is shamelessly late to church, was asking me if I was ready? I finished, taking my sweet time to put the right shade of lip gloss on and we headed out the door.
The drive over, I was doing the usual (taking selfies, see below) and felt the nervous energy in the air. He had faked me out so many times in the past, I had been trying so hard not to get my hopes up. However, I knew if he was actually going to propose, there's no way he wouldn't have involved my parents. He knows how dear they are to me.
Luckily, me being the obsessive daughter that I am, I track my parent's location with their phones. I lost a quick mental battle with myself and decided to peek at their location.
Highlandville.
Aka - exactly halfway between their home and where we were headed for family photos. I knew it was coming, but still, I didn't want to get ahead of myself. Despite my perpetual snooping and months of trying to bust the surprise, now was the time to put my crazy aside and enjoy the moment.
The rest of the memories come in flashes. Austin going to 'park the car' and not coming back. My future mother in law leading me out to the back courtyard of the Big Cedar hotel. Seeing a beautiful waterfall, sunset, and the love of my life. Oh, and a photographer hidden in the foliage (just like all my dropped hints said).
Austin taking my hands. Getting down on one knee. Saying something that I can only imagine rivaled Shakespeare. Smothering him with sticky lip-gloss kisses. Both of our families joining us and shedding all the happy tears. The dreamiest day I could have ever imagined, beginning with him putting aside whatever nerves he felt to give me the perfect day leading up to the perfect proposal.
If there was anything I would have changed, it would have been to relax and trust him more. I didn't give him nearly enough credit for all the things he listened to during our relationship, little details that he tucked away to use to make the day perfect. Him sneaking over to my parents house to ask their permission when I was busy with his mom, picking out the perfect outfit for 'family photos'. Making sure my nails were perfectly manicured and that there was both hidden photo and video being taken so I could relive the day and smile myself to sleep for the weeks to come. He truly outdid himself and I shouldn't have spent all my free time acting like a crazy conspirator searching his dirty clothes for a ring box.
Side note: the (custom) ring is absolutely perfect in every way. Just like the proposal. Just like my future husband. Hopefully he can still say such things about me after seeing my ugly side when I'm not in control of the situation.
Here's to a lovely lifetime of no more surprises!
Austin:
I am back! *the crowd goes wild* It's been awhile since I've written on this blog, so let me give you a quick summary of what has gone on in my life. I got engaged… which I am sure you've caught onto by now. Pretty happy time of my life, which thankfully followed up a little bit more stressful time of my life. Enough about how great I'm doing though, let's get started on this thing.
Growing up, I never thought about the engagement process. I obviously wanted to get married and have a family, but the whole engagement thing seemed like more of a burden than an exciting time of my life. Some people may feel like that's a harsh way to look at it, but that’s just my personality. Pretty par for the course.
I really didn’t give the idea the time of day until about 8 or 10 months into dating Hannah. I had been ready to get into a serious relationship after I got back from Oral Roberts because (as Hannah would be quick to tell you) I wasn’t getting any younger. I had finished college and my basketball years were behind me, so it was finally the right time for me to think about settling down. So around that time I started to see a future with Hannah, and was in a place in my life that I was ready to take that step. From there it took me a little bit longer to figure out exactly what that 'next step' would look like.
I decided in the summer that I was ready. I had made the mistake of telling Hannah when we first started dating that I wouldn’t get engaged until at least a year and a half of dating, so naturally all she heard was 'I will propose to you in a year and a half.' As soon as that day hit I didn’t hear the end of ring size jokes, and how good a ring would look on her finger and blah blah. So for any guys who may read this do NOT make that mistake.
We went online to start looking at some rings, and found a couple designs that she really liked. Some family members had experience with the site I was using, so they helped me look as the time got closer. Finally I customized the ring, paid for it, and cemented the idea that this thing better work cause this is a lot of money… and uhh because I love Hannah too of course.
The ring came in about a month later, but we had weddings 3 weekends in a row, so the proposal would have to wait. I had to make sure the ring was hidden from the nosey one, and thankfully I did because she did try to search my apartment when I was gone. Luckily I put it on top of the refrigerator so she couldn’t reach it. When I told my parents they were very congratulatory. When I told Hannah’s parents, her mom gave me the very comforting “okay...” which made me feel very confident. Overall, both families were extremely supportive and excited for us. It was around 9 at night, and I was planning on taking them to dinner to ask them but Hannah (the nosey one) has her mom’s location shared, so that was out of the question. Feels bad.
I had the whole proposal planned out. We were to go down to Big Cedar, I'd propose by the waterfall, take pictures, and we'd then go to dinner with both families. Then Hannah decided she wanted to go to Eureka Springs that day.
It was the first time I've ever been, and wouldn’t be upset if I never went back to be quite honest. Much too hipster for me, but of course Hannah loved it. So I was just trying to make sure we made it back in time to get ready for the night (especially her, because I didn’t want to hear that she wished she had more time to get ready for the rest of my life).
We started heading to Big Cedar and then I dropped her off at the front door. I drove around to a back parking lot that was close to the spot where I was going to propose (with the photographer there already of course. Another thing I would never be able to live down if I hadn't prepared). My mom and brother's girlfriend led her out a side door where I was waiting.
When that moment hit and she walked out, I did get a little nervous. I knew she would say yes, but there's just something about taking that step that never feels like it's a 100% guarantee that she will. I wish I could put it in better words, but it's one of those things that until you experience it, it wouldn’t make sense. Thankfully she said yes, we celebrated, and we went on to have a great night with both of our families there to enjoy the moment.
I know I've given advice throughout this piece of what not to do fellas, but I would advise you to take your time to make the moment as close to perfect as possible. This is a big step that shouldn’t be taken lightly, and she will remember it forever. Do what she deserves. Give yourself plenty of time to make sure it is going to work out the way you want it to, and of course keep it a secret until the very end. Surprising someone always makes a moment a little bit more sweet. I would also say to work things around the event to try to make it easier to keep the secret, and go with the flow a little bit. I really did not want to go to Eureka Springs, and if you know me at all you know just how much I dislike downtowns and anything artistic. It ended up being a blessing to give my mind something to focus on that day, plus giving her something to have her mind on all day to keep her distracted from what was going to happen that night.
Plans rarely go exactly as expected, but that's what adds a little kick of cayenne pepper to life (or spice for you non-cooks). Other than that, keep your eyes open for the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Every person you date isn't the one, and you have to realize when it's just a temporary person, or THE person. You can't force it, but the right one is out there and you'll know when you've found them.
Overall live life, and enjoy the process. Life is too short to constrict with a tight schedule for your future, and a way it NEEDS to go. Life will go on, and it will take you where it wants to take you. Trust the Lord to put you in the situation and then live it.
In the meantime, pray for all of us men out here trying to plan a wedding. We need it.
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