Guest Author: Austin Ruder
Hey everyone.
Hannah asked me to write a sequel to her most recent piece talking about life after high school graduation. As someone who went to two different universities in two different states during a five year time period, I think I have a pretty good perspective for you guys that you probably won’t hear from other people.
A warning before we start, I am much more blunt than Hannah is, so if you get offended then know it’s probably a good thing. That means you needed to hear what I laid out in this piece to challenge your perspective. Life after high school is all about broadening your horizons and getting out of your comfort zone. A lot of us are surrounded by people who fit in our comfort zones, and won’t push us to get out of them. In college, people won’t fit into your life so easily, and no one will tiptoe around telling you their opinion. This brings us to my first point.
Getting offended (occasionally) is GOOD!
First on the list of things that you need to realize after finishing high school and before heading off to the next stage is that it isn’t always bad to get offended by what people say and do. Life is full of people with different personalities and opinions, and what makes college great is you get to hear a lot of different opinions from a lot of different backgrounds more so than ever before in your life. Whether or not you go to college, you will interact with people on a daily basis with differing views than you, and that is a necessary step in figuring out what you believe in.
One of the best ways a person really can strengthen their opinion is by having face to face conversations with someone who sees the world differently than themselves. Either disagreeing and having to defend your positions with statistics and facts, or seeing a side you didn’t originally see and developing a new opinion. Social media has made it too easy to be a keyboard warrior, and degrade people you don’t know, and would never have the courage to say what you are typing out. Talking to people in person will teach respectful communication and allow you to see the person behind the different viewpoint. Challenge yourself to have hard conversations in person and get comfortable in your own opinions. You won’t always be surrounded with people who agree with you, and that’s okay. Oftentimes conversational disagreements can escalate when someone confuses differing views with someone disliking them as a person. People today take things too personally from all different viewpoints. It is healthy to have disagreements with people so that we, as a society, and flesh out what the better ideas are moving forward.
This doesn’t just apply to arguments though. People will judge you based on the way you dress, how you act, what you post, how you look, and so on. All of these things can sometimes be hurtful, but how you respond to getting hurt is what will determine the type of person you will be. I can’t tell you how many times I had teammates tell me I was fat, or coaches tell me I needed to work on my abs showing. All of these things were a little hurtful of course, but at the same time led me to make some big changes in my life to get into better shape than I already was and become a better, more humble athlete. I was told I wasn’t good enough to play Division I basketball anymore when I transferred from Missouri State. People disagreed with my choice and the direction I chose to take my life and basketball career. It was difficult to read, but within a matter of months the message boards were saying I would be starting on the very team they said I wasn’t good enough to play for anymore. All that to say, use these instances of disagreement as motivation to reach goals that you have, not discourage you. You don’t need anyone else’s approval or permission to live your life the way you want.
While listening to other people and stepping out of your comfort zone, remember to look inward and reflect on your own views. A lot of people refuse to admit their shortcomings to themselves. Denying the facts and lying to yourself that you have nothing to fix doesn’t help you pursue a healthier or better lifestyle. This leads to friends lying to you because they know you won’t listen. For example, a lot of people struggle with their weight after high school. The end of organized sports for the majority of people and the demise of the high school metabolism strike at the same time. All of that combines to lead to the infamous freshman fifteen, which is usually about forty by graduation year. Say this happens to you and you refuse to admit you haven’t been taking care of yourself like you should. Now, could someone tell you that you should try to be healthier by eating better and exercising without being blunt about it, yes, they can. On the other hand, if people have been telling you for a long time without you making any changes it gets frustrating for them as well. People who care about you will always want the best for you and it can be frustrating when you don’t give the best to yourself. That frustration leads to a blunter approach, which in my honest opinion, works best a lot of times because the message can’t be misunderstood. I use this example because it’s one of the most common ‘issues’ that you will run into after high school. Whether it is politics or weight, understand that most people you meet have good intentions. Unfortunately, not all of them do, but the majority will. You will find most people don’t actually hate other people, but they just have a different way of seeing the world. Be open to opinions that differ from your own, and listen to what people around you have to say. Having your world views and opinions challenged will be some of the best forming factors to help you grow from the graduate you are to the adult you want to be.
Don’t be afraid to be BLUNT
With all of that said, don’t be afraid to be blunt when talking to other people. I have found that it is always better to be brutally honest with people than it is to try to soften the blow of what you’re saying. (Hannah will disagree) At the time of graduating high school, most people have never experienced people telling them the unvarnished truth. Let’s be honest, most of us are uncomfortable being direct with someone in fear of offending them. You will not achieve your goals by avoiding tough conversations with strangers, and even with friends. You have to have the confidence to go after what you want, and the courage to say tough things to people you love to help them. In the long run, taking this approach lets the people around you know that if they need an honest assessment of a situation, they can talk to you because you aren’t going to blow smoke to them. This also prepares you for future business or life decisions when you will need to be honest with yourself and others to make decisions about money and family matters. I’m told a lot that I’m too direct or sometimes called rude because I just say what I think. In defense of those people, sometimes I tend to give my opinion without being asked. Sometimes, though, people will lash out at you just because they don’t like what you have to say. That’s okay, especially with friends, because if they really are your friend, they will appreciate you telling them the truth as you see it. The important thing is to have good intentions with your blunt attitude. The goal is never to hurt feelings or offend anyone, it’s to give the truth in situations where the truth is difficult to give or to hear.
Picking the people you are around CAREFULLY
This one is a pretty short point, but so crucial. As my dad always says, “You are who you hang around.” If you are always surrounding yourself with people who have no ambition or have destructive habits, then you are most likely going to follow in their direction whether you like it or not. Successful people surround themselves with other successful people because it pushes them to be better. If the people you are around aren’t making you better, then maybe it is time to find some new friends. Choose people who further your goals and your happiness. Life is too short to do anything otherwise.
You take full RESPONSIBILITY for your actions
Up until this point, almost everybody has had a supervisor telling them where to go, when to go there, what time dinner is, go to class, go to church, go to practice, get to bed at a decent time, study and so on. As soon as you enter the next phase of your life, all of that disappears. It is now your responsibility to take care of yourself. This includes going to class, going to work/practice, studying, and paying whatever bills you may have. All of this combined at once can be a culture shock for a lot of people. I know many of you are saying “I already did all, if not most, of those things before I graduated.” This may be true, but now there is a huge amount of freedom that you don’t have someone looking over your shoulder to make sure you succeed. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re above falling victim to the newfound freedom.
You need to make the decision to get a good degree, and to get good grades to go along with that degree. If you're an athlete, remember sports end for most people after college. You should still work hard to achieve your goals on the field, but don’t sacrifice your academics for it. I had a coach that said “There are 3 areas of college life. Sports, Academics, Social. You can only do 2 of the 3 well.” I was never into partying or drinking, but this made a lot of sense to me. It isn’t possible to party 3 nights a week, and then workout extra the other 4 nights while being able to maintain good grades. Go through the possibilities honestly, and you will see this statement is true. This doesn’t just apply to athletes though. For someone trying to set themselves up for a future career, maybe taking an internship every summer is the best move for you instead of going to the lake all the time. Again, that is for you to decide, but just know there are consequences and benefits, to all actions. You are beginning to set the foundations of your life from this moment on.
Say you have a test Friday morning to see if you can continue moving through your major, but it is one of the biggest parties of the year (Dead Day Eve? Wild Turkey Wednesday? Spring Break?) that all of your friends are begging you to go to. What’s the right call? That will be up for you to decide. College is a good time to experience a lot of different things, and a chance to have fun before the real-world hits you in the face. Notice how I said BEFORE, because it is coming for you whether you’re prepared or not. Make choices that will prepare you for the real world, not just always trying to live in the moment. Making memories is important, but so is setting yourself up for a good life when this stage comes to an end.
Pick a degree that MATTERS
A lot of you have been told “Go to college and get a degree.” Is this good advice? Well, the answer isn’t exactly black and white. There are plenty of degrees that are easy to study in school, therefore they’re very popular, but don’t lead to many career opportunities. These are the degrees people get, and then complain they can’t get a job. In case you haven’t figured it out at this point in your life, nothing is guaranteed to anyone and there is no place for entitlement in college or in life.
This is why getting a good degree in college matters, depending on what you want to pursue. For most things you are going to do in life, an accounting or finance degree will set you on the path towards success in the corporate world. Degrees like general business, marketing, and management are all degrees that can tend to be over-saturated, so you have to ask yourself what the best degree for your future path is and what will set you apart.
For me personally, I chose accounting because I thought it gave me a competitive edge over other applicants. Wouldn’t I be more desirable if I had a degree where I understood the numbers behind why managing a certain way keeps the profit margin up? Or if I could walk into a job and know how to calculate ratios that are deeper than just sales? With marketing it would be a lot easier for me to sell something when I can tell a business owner how a product, or service, will help them earn 1.2% net profit over a 5-year period because it will cut down on the fix cost of the business along with these three variable costs. Those are the things I considered when choosing which path I wanted to go down. There were definitely other degree paths that would have been easier or more interesting, but now that college is over, I'm glad I chose the degree that will serve me after the classes end.
Four-year colleges aren’t for everyone though. Going to a trade school is a great option that not a lot of people take advantage of. Essential jobs like plumbers, electricians, welders and so on will give you a high paying and consistent career for a much lower cost of schooling. There is no reason to see trade school education differently than university education. Trade schools have the benefit of being the road less traveled, therefore can yield an easier direct path to the workforce. Not to mention, the jobs I gave as examples have immediate earning potential after school. Don’t let people shame you into blowing money on a worthless degree if that is not what you want to do. Once again, this is your life and should be tailored to the way you want to live it. Don't get a finance degree if you know you have a passion for hands on work. Pursue what makes you happy, regardless of what your peers are doing. They aren't the ones living your life.
Only a few people actually CARE
Many people make the mistake when they go to college of thinking that everyone actually cares about them. They can’t tell the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. They think their teachers/professors have their best interest at heart. Sadly, most of us find out this isn't true the hard way.
Most people only have about one or two people they could trust with anything. These people are actually your friends. Most of us, however, think that far more people care about us than actually do. We have become so obsessed with social media that we confuse likes with people genuinely caring for us. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Most of the people who like your post would like to see you fall. Not to be dramatic, but I always heard that this life is just like a bucket of crabs… everyone is trying to pull each other down to the bottom so no one can succeed.
This is especially true with athletes. I have heard the same story on repeat talking to athletes for years, “It was so hard when I got to college because I was the best player at my high school and now, I’m not. I don’t get the press I did in high school, and it is just really tough.” This is because they have transitioned from the fun of high school athletics to a a full job in college sports. The only thing people care about in that program is winning. There are no more friends, the coach has known you for maybe a year, and now you’re stuck. Once you're in, the coach moves on to the next recruit because he's preparing for seasons after you. It is a vicious cycle that not many people are prepared for. I understand where they are coming from, and almost every athlete will go through this. This is honestly what determines if people make it or not in college sports. If you're just in it for the accolades or the attention, you won't have the motivation to stick it out. You have to be willing to sacrifice individual glory for the sake of the team. If the team does well, eventually the accolades will follow, but someone only seeking success for themselves will never lead a team to a winning season. Don't fall victim to thinking you will be the same star in college that you were in high school. Put your head down, get to work, and remember why you're doing this in the first place.
When I say not as many people care as you think, it isn't to be a downer. It's to remind you to focus your energy on the ones who do care, those are the ones that matter. Your motivation to do things and succeed should come from those closest to you and from within yourself, not from the world around you.
JUST RELAX
A lot of this time I have been telling you all the things that are important to do to start setting up your future. On the flip side, it is important to understand that you are going to make mistakes, you are going to fail, and you will need help. Probably a lot of it. Don’t be too proud to call on your friends or family for help. On the same note, don’t think it is a burden to make an effort to talk to or see the people who are about you. Your close relationships will be a safe haven that you will need at some point.
When you start finding a person you want to spend your life with, take it seriously. Not all relationships are meant to last, but that's okay. Every failed relationship built the person you are, and prepared you for the right person when they come along. When it comes time to grow up for the person you love, then you need to do it. Finding a life partner is crucial to raising a good family, and to finding true happiness. Life is lonely if you go from person to person your whole life wondering what's missing. You need an anchor who can help you make decisions and help you in times of need. Nobody does life better on their own than they do with the right partner. Finding the right person can't be forced, just focus on being the best version of yourself you can be and the rest will work itself out.
The last advice I will give is to keep it all in perspective. We all need to have goals, and pursue those goals fiercely, but life is about more than achieving goals. Take life in stride, and don’t sweat the small things that in the long run won’t have much of an impact in your life at all. When your life has run its' course, and you are laying on your deathbed, your goals wont matter anymore. Your achievements, money, and awards won’t mean anything to you in that moment. You will be laying there with only your memories and your family, reminiscing on all of the experiences you have had throughout your life. Money won’t comfort you when it is time to see the Lord, but all of the good memories and good people by your side will leave you at peace when you take your last breath.
I hope you guys will enjoy hearing a few things that I think are important to understand heading into this next stage of life. I have a lot more I could say, but I think it is important that you have an amount you can read and digest without a lot of fluff (it just isn’t my style like it is Hannah's). I want to wish you good luck with your coming adventures, and make sure you use the opportunity wisely, and don't forget to have fun.
Austin Ruder
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