January, the eternal month, has finally come to an end. The coldest, bleakest, dreariest month to ever exist. Personally, I feel like I have lived four different lifetimes between New Years’ and today. The past thirty one days were a time vortex of being cold, antisocial, and just generally wondering if I would ever see the sunshine again. A little dramatic, but we all suffered through the same month.

The reason I say it was a month of being antisocial is twofold. Primarily, because the Christmas/holiday season is a whirlwind of parties, family obligations, and general constant activity. For me at least, from October through NYE, it has been birthday celebration after Halloween party after birthday celebration after holiday after weekend trip after yet another birthday celebration. Therefore when it all comes to an end, I am generally left feeling exhausted and in need of social hibernation to restore all of my anecdotal humor and pleasantries. Secondly, this is the third year in a row I have used January as a social media detox month. Beginning first thing January 1st, shortly after midnight, I take all social media apps off my phone entirely.

The first year I tried simply making a pact with myself not to touch the apps, but unfortunately I quickly realized I had underestimated the power of muscle memory. After the first handful of times accidentally opening Snapchat and staring back at my own disapproving face, I just deleted the apps altogether. The power of habit is a strong one, and nothing is more humbling than your thumbs accidentally opening the ‘notes’ app a dozen times per day because it now sits where Instagram used to be and boredom has me reaching for my phone instinctively. Moral of the story, no apps means no temptation, accidental or otherwise.

The first few days were peaceful. Typically, they are full of “oh, wait” moments as I get used to not being able to check up on the social scene at a moments’ notice. Whether I was just more aware of what to expect since this is year three of the social media cleanse, or I just needed the peace more than years’ past, who knows. Either way, I was pleasantly surprised that the feeling of being out of the loop or lonely didn’t come on as strongly as usual.

Instead, I was able to bask in the little cave that was my social media break. There is a peace that comes with no one knowing what you’re doing. Ironically, we are typically the ones who so openly share what we’re doing with the world. I know it’s no one else’s fault but my own that Instagram knows what my coffee looks like before I even take the first sip. That doesn’t change the fact that it was a nice change to be completely off the grid and know that no one can form a thought or opinion about what you’re putting out into the world, because no one sees it.

I am perpetually guilty of adding stress to my own plate for no real rhyme or reason. My brain personifies as the early 2000’s version of Oprah giving out cars, except instead of Pontiac G-6’s, it’s unrealistic expectations and pressure. (“YOU get a little comparison, YOU get a little self-doubt, YOU get a little fear of never measuring up and YOU get the crippling compulsion to do everything all at once!”) A lot of this has to do with my ongoing perfectionism, the constant thorn in my side. I am not one for doing things half-heartedly. If it’s leg day, I’m going to hit it so hard I’ll need a Life Alert button to get out of bed the next day. If it’s friendship, I’ll be the friend that looks up your Tinder match on Casenet and finds out why he has an outstanding speeding ticket from 2016 (my friends can verify). If it’s Instagram, I want to have the most cohesive feed, the cutest theme and the wittiest captions. While this mentality yields a lot of positive outcome, it also yields a lot of burnout and frustration that the world cannot be conquered in one fell swoop. The examples I gave are all pretty trivial, but they fit into my life on a day to day level. Taking social media out of the equation not only takes out the pressure to be ‘good’ at social media itself (is there such a thing…?) but it takes away the pressure to be good at everything else by eliminating the noise that comes with it.

I have so many friends who are oppressed by the unrealistic expectations and pressures set by the continual presence of social media, yet they can’t seem to break the cycle of its’ constancy. The illusion of a need to stay connected creates its’ own dilemma of being hyperaware of the things happening in everyone’s lives, things that none of us have any business knowing in the first place. If you’re someone who scoffs at the very thought of removing yourself from the social media realm, ask yourself why that is. Is it the fear of missing out on some crucial happening that sends ripples through your social circle? Is it the distaste for wasting a good outfit on a non-photographed day? Or is it something more serious, like the fear of what your mind will fill itself with if it isn’t maxed out with the contents of everyone else’s lives?

As for the FOMO (fear of missing out) that comes with disconnecting, it’s a very empty concern. Odds are that by taking yourself offline, you’ll miss the same snapchats of the same people going to the same bars and hitting the same fast food joint afterwards. You’ll miss the same couples taking the same pictures in the same pose with the same halfheartedly quirky caption “he’s alright I guess”. On a really crazy night, you might miss someone debut their new post-breakup haircut or pregnancy announcement. All in all, odds are that you would spend the time refreshing and waiting for that groundbreaking, can’t-miss content that will probably never come. Time away from social media will not reduce your life to that of a hermit living miles from civilization on the planet Tatooine. If there really is a piece of information you could only find out from Instagram, how important could it really be? Don’t let your fear of potentially being out of the loop of someone else’s life prevent you from taking the steps to be fully present in your own.

As for the distaste about “wasting” an Instagrammable outfit on an Instagram-less day, I am just as guilty as the next person. During this past month, I wore makeup a total of 4 times. It was liberating and my skin thanked me for it. Will I probably always wear makeup and dress up on days I know pictures will be taken? Most definitely, because I generally prefer to look like a female rather than a scrawny version of Shaun White. However, I also recognize that real life will continue to be real life whether or not photographic evidence exists of it. Make sure you are living in a way that produces a fulfilling life, not just pretty pictures.

Finally, ask yourself if you’re just keeping up with your friends’ lives, or if you’re constantly trying to keep up with their lives? The culmination of everyone’s successes and skills all in one place can lend to the illusion that we are inherently subpar. One friend may have gotten a new car, one just graduated, one is engaged, and one is just annoyingly beautiful and never takes a bad photo. Suddenly, the pressure of measuring up in four different and completely unrelated areas is looming over your head. While that ‘win’ may be the only thing going right in each person’s individual life, we take the culmination of every successful moment to come across our feeds and measure ourselves against that impossible standard. It’s no wonder that anxiety is at an all-time high in a society that pushes us to do better, look better, and be better, and to do it all in an aesthetically pleasing way.

Perhaps you aren’t someone who struggles with this, and the whole thing sounds like an overcomplicated mess of unnecessary comparison. You would be absolutely correct. However, as my fellow perfectionists can attest, an anxious mind does not always listen to logic. If you’re someone who knows your life’s calling to a T, are perfectly content with who and what you are with no desire to change or alter your course and have never had a second thought about any of those things, feel free to bottle up whatever sorcery happens in your mind and send some my way. For the rest of us humans, it’s a struggle to find balance and that’s okay.

I was told when I was younger by a track coach whom I adored that it’s important to surround yourself with a few people you can be jealous of “in a good way.” Meaning you should have someone who’s fitness dedication makes you aspire to be more like her, or someone who’s never seen without a contagious smile on their face, and so on. Qualities that make you “jealous” in a constructive way, one that makes you want to improve yourself without taking away from your own self esteem or making you feel lesser.

My opinion on the best approach to social media is very similar. The people you come across on your feed should be people who inspire you, without making you feel less-than. There is a huge, colossal difference between seeing someone and aspiring to improve yourself because you see areas you can work on, versus seeing someone and criticizing or belittling yourself because you see your shortcomings. Half of the battle to find this oh so elusive balance is fought in your own mind. Until you can be okay with yourself, exactly as you are, you will never be okay with yourself in comparison to someone else (let alone the perfected version of someone else that exists solely on the internet). This acceptance comes from your heart and your faith, and cannot be rooted in external things. There is so much more to be said about that topic, but it deserves the spotlight in another set of future ramblings.

This is where disconnecting can be so beneficial for so much more than finally putting Twitter down and falling asleep before 2am. The break allows you to let out a breath you didn’t realize you had been holding. It’s the metaphorical unbuttoning of your pants and finally letting your tummy out because there’s no one around to see. Taking an entire thirty one days away from something that is typically a daily fixture allows you to not only break the habit of checking up on others, but break the habit of expecting affirmation and feedback from the world on your own life. Living each day without the window to the rest of the world allows you to return to the version of yourself that exists when no one is looking, which is the most authentic ‘you’ to exist.

I find it especially refreshing at the beginning of January when my focus is on my own goals for the new year and they deserve my full attention. I like to return to that authentic self, and set my goals strictly based on what is on my heart and what I feel called to do. Not what I feel pressured to do, not what my competitive side wants to prove I can do, and not what I feel like would look good if I did. Taking some time to let the world go quiet allows the things that are important to take center stage in my mind and heart and let me begin this new chapter with clarity and the affirmation that I am pursuing purposeful and important things for my own story.

I will probably never be the kind of person who goes to sleep at night, perfectly content with all that I did that day. I will always think of one more thing I wish I had done, one thing I could have done better, one thing I will add tomorrow. That’s just who I am, and that’s okay. The existence of social media did not create this issue within me, it just exacerbates it by making the comparison game far too easy. Even if the Insta-revolution had never been born, I would likely still wake up and grapple with these same things. However, in a world where social media is somewhat of a permanent fixture, it’s become crucial to learn to deal with its’ effects.

Like I said before, if you’re someone who can’t relate to even a shred of what I’m saying, congratulations on being perfect. Please direct me to the well of self-assurance that you must drink from every day and leave the rest of us to our grappling. Wrestling with the question of why social media is so “necessary” has lead me to a lot of important realizations in my own life, and I will continue to take January off each year to have these hard talks with myself and set the tone for a year of soulful improvement. The most growth comes from the most discomfort, and I’m not just talking about being forced to play an eleventh round of solitaire while waiting for my morning coffee because I have nothing else to look at on my phone. Being left to your own thoughts challenges you to regain touch with the person you are independently from the world’s prompting. There is no one on this planet more worth deeply knowing than yourself. Do yourself the favor of looking inward for a change, the outside world can wait.

Thank you, once again, for reading the words that come straight from my heart to this website. I am humbled and heart-warmed every time someone chooses to read my crazy ramblings. XOXO