In light of my recent twenty first birthday, I have felt introspective, inspired, and especially wise in my old age (insert studio laughter). Between the encouragement of friends and the tug on my heart, I decided to start writing again after a long hiatus. Turns out, I am just as wordy as ever. Please enjoy this compilation of things I have learned, and am still learning, in my first two decades of life.
Faith is a verb. It is not something you have, it’s something you practice and pursue every day. Life is busy, and if your external environment doesn’t support your pursuit of a strong relationship with God, you will find that your faith falls to the wayside very quickly. For me, faith is reaffirmed every time I hear a sermon that is directly pertinent to my current situation, or read a devotion that sounds like it was made for me, or even hear a song that fills my heart with gratitude. The thing is- I don’t get these God moments unless I am listening and looking for them. It’s so easy to let a day or a week or a month go by, wondering why you’re feeling discouraged or disconnected, only to realize it’s been that long since you made an active effort in your faith. So turn to your Faith playlist, tune into an inspiring podcast, get yourself to church on Sunday, and surround yourself with people who bring a little extra Jesus into your life. It’s worth it.
You are stuck in your mind as long as you live. Might as well make it a happy place to be! You are the only person required to be with you 24/7. Confusing to read, but quite simple. Who else lives in your head? (If the answer is anyone besides yourself, there are probably things that can help you more than this blog post. Like a licensed professional.) In my case, my mind is on constant overdrive, going back and forth with itself at any given moment of the day. It’s impossible to escape my thoughts, and it will probably be this way the rest of my life. If I can’t change that fact, I can sure make the best of it. Think about it – if you’re given a house and told you’re going to live there the rest of your life without any exception, do you let the house deteriorate? Do you let the grass grow too tall and the dishes pile up? Do you let it become such a mess that you don’t even want to be there anymore? No – you paint the walls, add a throw pillow or two (or ten), and take it from a house to a home. You build it to last and take care of it every day. It’s the same thing with your beautiful messy mind. You will live there for the rest of your existence. Don’t let the bad thoughts grow too tall, don’t let your anxieties pile up. Don’t let it become such a mess that you don’t want to be there anymore. Do a little housekeeping and take care of your mind.
If the $5.00 coffee is going to make your 8 hour work day better – it’s not too expensive.
Remember that people are people. I work in a bank, and it’s so easy to forget this and see only problems that need to be solved, rather than people and their situations. I may see fifteen customers in one day, but for each customer, I am their one bank experience of the day. Maybe even the week or the month. To me, they are 1 of 15 (or more) and to them, I am 1 of 1. They don’t know about everything piling up on my desk and that their request is just the cherry on top, just like I don’t know about the bad day or week that they’re living that brought them to my desk in the first place. Every encounter with someone is a chance to make their day better or worse, no matter how insignificant the exchange is. Having the door held for you turns your day in a better direction than having it shut in your face. Approach life with kindness.
Somehow – in adult life – you will spend a miscellaneous $100.00 (or more) every week. Whether your coworker is selling coupon books for their daughter’s softball team, or your high school friend’s baby shower is this weekend, your windshield wipers need replaced, or there is another birthday dinner at a nice restaurant and you can’t say no because all of your friends deserve to be celebrated, it’s always something. No matter how much you budget, track expenses and Dave Ramsey your life, you will always find yourself looking at your balance wondering??? What on Earth did I spend that money on? I didn’t even buy anything! But such is life.
No matter how many YouTube videos you watch, do not try to cut your own hair. Better to have split ends than uneven ends. If all else fails, the local beauty schools offer most salon services (including eyelash extensions and facials) for a fraction of regular price. Now put the scissors down and find the nearest Paul Mitchell School.
Pay attention to your screen time. Let it shock you. Let it slightly embarrass you. Let it humble you into putting the phone down. (Although it’s much easier said than done.)
You are not responsible for someone’s unwillingness to treat you well. You can be the best friend/girlfriend/coworker/whatever, show up for someone 110% of the time, go the extra mile and never arrive without a second coffee in hand, and still have someone neglect you. Someone’s effort towards you is not a reflection of what you deserve or of your value, it’s a reflection on them and them alone. Don’t ever doubt whether you are deserving of the right kind of treatment or full effort, because you are. Wait for the people who don’t make you question whether or not you’re good enough.
Being a “bad texter” is not an excuse to ignore someone. It isn’t even a real thing. If you want to talk to someone, you will. If something is important, you will make time for it. In today’s digital age, there is no way someone isn’t checking their phone and didn’t see your message for a day and a half, especially if this is happening every time you reach out to them. Having 135975836 unread messages does not make you seem cool or important. If you’re the bad texter, quit patronizing your friends with “Sorry – just now seeing this!” excuses and try to remember someone took the time out of their day to try and talk to you, don’t just blow it off and go back to Twitter. No one likes feeling ignored.
Wearing makeup to cover up breakouts that you got…from wearing makeup… is completely counterintuitive. Ditch the makeup when you can. More time in the morning to sip coffee and bonus: people being impressed when you DO decide to doll yourself up.
99.9% of the time, you will not regret dragging yourself to the gym. Getting there and getting started is the hardest part, but I have never gotten finished with a workout and thought “man, I wish I would have slept in instead.”
Don’t dull yourself down to make your company comfortable. Don’t keep quiet about your fitness progress because someone else chooses not to go to the gym, don’t hide your relationship from your single friends, don’t keep work success to yourself because your coworkers didn’t achieve the same thing, and so on. With that being said, be conscientious of others’ feelings and try not to be boastful, but a tribe that truly cares about you will celebrate your victories with you. Anyone who resents you for moving forward is someone you should leave behind you.
Moving home isn’t a “failure”. After moving out at 17 and putting myself through college, the thought of moving back in with my parents seemed like the most backwards step in my adult life. After lots of prayer, budgeting, and more prayer, I decided that when my lease was up it would be beneficial for me to move home and start chunking down my student debt. Fast forward a few months and I was able to pay off my student debt completely, pay down my car loan, and put some money aside. More importantly, I was able to reconnect with my family in a way that only comes after you have experienced the world on your own. I appreciate so many things from coming home to a warm, full house versus an empty apartment to getting up early to have coffee with my mama. I am so thankful for putting my pride aside and making the choice that I did. I am so thankful for a family that close in proximity and close at heart and can honestly say my parents are the best roommates I have ever had.
Three day weekends are perfect for mini vacations. Minimizing the time off of work while still getting away, win-win. I am very fortunate to work in an industry with quite a few three day weekends... but learning to plan a trip in a short time and for a short time is something I loved and have gotten tons of use out of. Airbnb, Hopper, and Expedia are your friends! Not every trip has to be lengthy or extravagant to yield a great time and great memories.
You are not meant to win at every part of life. Sometimes I catch myself comparing my accomplishments to someone on a completely different life path from my own and let it affect the way I see my own successes. There is no reason for me to feel less-than when a friend gets into Nursing School or wins a pageant or gets promoted in their field. None of those things fall under my goals or even close to into my future plans, so there is no need to feel like they are failures of mine for not accomplishing as well. My perfectionist nature often convinces me that I must be good at everything to be successful at all. Everyone’s trajectory is different and if you attempt to measure your success against a life not meant for you, you will live in constant belief that you have failed. Let go of all of the things not meant for you, and pursue the things that are.
Success, beauty, and happiness are not mutually exclusive. Just because someone who looks nothing like you is stunning, that doesn’t mean you aren’t just as beautiful in a different way. One person’s achievement doesn’t lesson anyone else’s. You are allowed to have guilt-free happiness, regardless of whether your life circumstances are better or worse than someone else’s. There is no limit to the amount of happiness and ability to thrive in this world, everyone is allowed to pursue the best version of themselves and it doesn’t in any way mean there is less room for your best self to coexist alongside them.
The grass isn’t greener – it’s fake. Think of your worst moments, your ugliest moments, your messiest moments. How much of that made it online? Exactly. We have all heard the quote about not comparing your behind the scenes to someone else's highlight reel, but do we ever let that sink in and truly feel the gravity of that statement? Every day we are bombarded with the most perfect, photogenic moments of everyone else's life and then look in the mirror and see our unfiltered, unedited, every day selves. Just remember that you are seeing the best moments of someone's life and it is not indicative of how they truly live.
Forgive. Forgive your friends, forgive the ones you can't stand, and forgive yourself. The only person punished by a grudge is the one holding it.
Just because something has always been one way, does not mean it will or should always be that way. For better or for worse, everything changes every moment. Keep an open mind and roll with the punches.
Real love is worth it. The kind that you don't have to question. The kind that makes you forget your own name because you're so used to hearing 'beautiful' instead. The kind that makes the world seem warmer and the future seem brighter and brings you a home in the arms of a person. It cannot be planned, or forced, or sought out. But once it happens, it's worth every second of heartbreak or hopelessness that came before it.
Finally, the most important thing I have learned and am learning is that you will never have it all figured out. Joining the adult world is just realizing we are all making it up as we go along and no one really, truly, has it all together. There is beauty in the unknown and that's why life is so magnificent. (usually)
If you stayed with me this long, thank you for reading my long-winded ramblings. More to come from my jumbled mind in the near future. xoxo