Welcome back, y'all. It's been nearly two weeks since my last blog post and this is the first time I've been able to sit down and write during that whole time. Between full time school, full time work, and two very exciting volunteer opportunities (details coming soon) I have had very little time to sit down and do the things that make my soul happy, ie. writing.
I have been fighting anxiety for the past week feeling like I am not successfully making time for all of the things I want to be doing. In my perfect week, I would be able to get a workout in every day, excel at work, nail my schoolwork and stay ahead of the game, create new content for all my social medias, promote my blog and Youtube channel, fit time for my volunteer work in, and have time to spend with Jesus in the evenings. However, life lately has served as a learning opportunity, within which I have been taught that this is impossible. I do not live in the perfect world in my head, I live in the real world. All of the things I strive to find time for are worthy and valuable ways to spend my time (some more so than others), but this does not mean there will always be time for them. There will be days I meet all my goals at work, but come home and accomplish nothing else. There will be rough days at work, but I may make huge strides in my college career in the evening. I may make no progress in anything beyond my morning workout one day, and that is okay. All of this is perfectly alright.
On this Sunday afternoon, I found myself staring at my planner, etching notes to myself in all the margins, filling my week with tasks before it even began. As I did this, I felt the peace of the weekend pushed out of my heart by all the pressure I was putting on myself to simply do more. I said a quick prayer for peace and for guidance.
Lord, show me what is deserving of my time and what is not. Give me peace to accept that I cannot do it all, and give me the strength to do what it is that I can.
Just as soon as I had prayed these words, a teeny lightbulb seemed to come on in my mind. There will be time to conquer the world after I finish school. This is the season of my life to study and to further my education, no matter how much else I would love to heap onto my plate. The Lord has a plan for my life, and getting that coveted degree is the first step in that direction for me. I know myself well enough to know that I will have to pray this prayer every day, probably multiple times a day in order to keep my goals in perspective. I am only capable of seeing a small window of time, while my Father can see my entire lifetime in a snapshot. Who am I to decide what to devote my time and energy to when I could give it to Him? Not to mention, I would prefer to excel at one thing than to be mediocre at many things, as is usually the result when I spread myself too thin.
So often we forget that our future is in His hands. While it is important for us to make our Earthly plans and preparations, the most crucial thing we can do is pray for His light to reveal our path to us. Whether it be college, career, personal exploration or anything else, He has greater joy in store for you in that area than you can even fathom. It is a disservice to your own heart if you choose not to open up and let Him show you the way. If you are anything like me, you fill your brain with unnecessary worry, planning to fight your own way to your goals. Why do we let ourselves be weighed down when we need only be still?
"The LORD will fight for you, you need only be still." Exodus 14:14
It is so much easier said than done. We live in a world of living in chaos to chase the elusive goal of peace. I am guilty of telling myself if I just pass one more class, if I just run one more mile, write one more blog post, I will be happy. I let myself falling into the trap time and time again of thinking peace is a destination, and not a state of being during the journey.
In a stage of life that is ever changing, and a world putting increasingly more pressure on young adults to be self sufficient, independent, and successful, this is the most comforting concept to me. Each and every day we face the pressure to find our own way in this life and we forget we have the ultimate ally.
As we go into yet another week, remember who is on our side and who is fighting for us.