To My Mother

I have a LOT of hair.

Long, thick, knotted, curly hair. It's unmanageable at best and infuriating at worst.

These are my thoughts as I wrestle a brush through my freshly washed hair, twenty-five minutes into the process of blow drying my hair and less than halfway done. My arms are aching, my forehead is about to break out in a sweat from all the hot air in this tiny bathroom, and my mood is tanking with every swipe of the hair brush.

I think of you.

All the countless hours you spent pulling a brush through my messy red hair, all the hours you spent blow drying it. I think of all the times you got up off of the couch during Grey's Anatomy, without so much as a grumble to follow me to the bathroom and fix my hair for me.

I think of how, after working all day long, putting dinner on the table, cleaning up said dinner, and finally collapsing on the couch to watch a few hours of mindless television, you would still get up without hesitation to help me with the most infuriating of tasks. I'm sure standing in the humid bathroom with me for forty-five minutes was never the way you wanted to spend your evenings, but you did it anyway.

It wasn't until I began doing it for myself, on my own time, in my own home, after my own long and taxing work day, that I realized just how inconvenient and unpleasant it is. What a testament to how well you hid your exhaustion. Every time I asked if you would please help my dry my hair, I got a kind and reassuring smile and a "be right there."

You never made me feel like a burden.

Fast forward to the days I'm sure you wished that the biggest problem you had with your daughter was her messy hair. The days when my thoughts were dark and my mood was darker. When kind words would seldom leave my mouth and the only looks I gave were cold glares. I was angry at the world, and you felt the brunt of my adolescent rage. You deserved none of it, but withstood all of it.

It still breaks my heart to think of all the hateful things I did and said to you when I was trapped in my own mind. You never let your pain show. You sat with me on my bedroom floor every night and fought to help me find a way out of the storm clouds I was trapped inside.

You never rolled your eyes. You never lost your cool. You never acted like there was anywhere you'd rather have been than sitting right there with me, working your painstakingly slow way through the labyrinth of my young identity crisis and all the walls I built between us.

One by one, you fought away all of my demons. You pulled me out of the storm and brought the sunshine back into my soul. Even on my darkest days, you never walked away.

I remember the day the sky fell and the ground dropped out from underneath me.

Cancer.

I was picking out an outfit when you told me. You sat on my bed and told me you had to talk to me, and that it was serious. I still couldn't decide what to wear. You explained to me you had found a lump, and that the tests had shown everything you never want to hear.

"I have cancer".

I looked at you, tears brimming in your tired eyes, hands trembling as they held mine, and all I could think was "I still don't know what I'm going to wear."

It took a few hours for your words to sink in, but once they did, they sunk like lead through my body. My heart felt like it weight ten tonnes. My stomach dropped into my knees. I couldn't lift my feet to move even though every bit of me wanted to run far away, to a place where this news wasn't true. I was stuck, rooted in place, hearing that word that stole my childhood from me echoing over in over in my head.

Cancer.

I cried myself to sleep every night for the first month.

We had so many questions and not a single answer. I was young enough to be left out of the medical conversations but old enough to feel the gravity of the situation. I saw the darkness in my Dad's eyes. I saw the way my grandparents' looked at you with broken hearts, as though the universe had betrayed them by choosing you.

It was never supposed to be you. You were radiant. Healthy, young, beautiful. You were kind to everyone, you sung loudly in church, you made us all better when we were sick. Now, you were the one who was sick and there was nothing any of us could do to make you better. It was never supposed to be you. The one who deserved it the least in the world was the one on the receiving end of that fateful phone call from the doctor.

Cancer.

I watched you. I watched you go through needles in every bit of your body. I watched you be slid into a giant, loud tube for testing. I watched you be wheeled away on a gurney for surgery again and again. I watched your skin get pale and thin, and your body get tired. I watched as you and Dad walked out on the back porch with a pair of clippers and a towel and return with a freshly shaved head.

I watched you return to work days after each round of chemotherapy, days after the poison was pumped into your body. I listened to you in the middle of the night, sick and miserable, but never asking for help. I watched you pull yourself together every morning, as though the world hadn't felt like it was ending the night before.

I watched the way you handled one of the biggest trials with the most grace. I watched as you still managed to turn heads as a cancer patient, with a new head scarf to match every outfit. I watched as you put a thick hat on your head in the middle of the summer every time my little brother was around because you cared more about hiding your bald head from his young eyes than you did about your own comfort. I watched the way your ministry began right away. You took your diagnosis and met it head on. Not a moment of self pity or "why me" came from you, while the rest of us sat and cried out to the universe "why her?"

You used your battle with cancer to bring others to Christ. You took the hands of so many people and lead them to salvation. You found other people battling the same awful illness and you fought their battle with them, never faltering in your own fight.

I watched when you woke up from the final surgery. I watched as you rang the bell to symbolize the last radiation treatment. I watched as you left the hospital for the last time.

To this day, I have never seen you feel sorry for yourself or resent the hand you were dealt. I have never seen you put your struggles higher than anyone else's, nor have I seen your immense empathy dwindle after your own struggles increased. You taught me that suffering is inevitable, but being a victim is a choice. A choice that you never made.

You taught me so much in my life, important things like always wear earrings with an updo, and never wear sandals without your toes done. But also things like grace. You have humbled me time and time again in the best way, and reminded me that my side of the story is not the only side. You made me more fair, more empathetic, and most of all more forgiving.

Forgiveness is such a difficult thing to learn, one of those elusive concepts that can't be fully grasped without firsthand experience. I thought I knew what forgiveness was. I had grown up in church, I was a smart kid. Until I was the one asking for forgiveness, I never knew what it was.

I remember the day you found out I wasn't perfect. Of course, you had known very well how imperfect I was all along, but this was different. I knew better. I wasn't kind, I wasn't fair, I wasn't empathetic. I was hateful and acted vengefully, I acted in a way I still regret. I remember that the worst part wasn't the guilt of hurting someone else, it was the shame of admitting I didn't act the way you raised me. Admitting I had let you down. Admitting I wasn't someone worthy of your pride in that moment. I remember the disappointment in your eyes. Most of all, I remember how afraid I was of your reaction, of the wrath that would surely come.

It never did.

You sat with me, you prayed with me, you heard me out. You showed me grace I didn't deserve and made it known that I had your forgiveness before I had even asked for it. You loved me like Jesus loved me, you forgave me like He did.

The way you treated me in disappointment showed me more about love than how you treated me in pride ever could.

The older I get, the more I see you as a human rather than some supernatural creature from the land of mothers. I see your past and your pain and your growth. The more I see your humanity, the more I'm in awe of you.

Before, I put you in a box. I saw you as someone with no selfishness. No needs or wants for herself, only desire to make the world more beautiful for everyone else. Now, I know you have your own needs, wants, pains, frustrations, good days and bad days. You just put them all behind your desire to take care of mine.

The more I see your humanness, the more I am blown away by the sacrificial and constant love that I have never had to question.

I have always been afraid of motherhood for a multitude of reasons, but one of the biggest is that I have a near impossible standard by which to compare my parenting. Your patience, your cool head, your organization, your endurance are all beyond what I thought possible for a full time worker, wife, and mother. You truly found a way to do it all, do it all well, and do it all while making sassy remarks and looking amazing.

Asking myself how you would handle any given situation has led me to some of the best decisions of my life and steered me away from things I would have chosen had I governed my life solely by my own judgement. Learning from you has been one of the greatest gifts of my life, and I can't wait to keep picking your brain for the next few decades.

Above all the rest, your most comforting quality is your constance. Every morning of my childhood, I would wake up to find you had been up for hours. The smell of coffee, the warm 'good morning' and a hug always greeted me with the day. Your voice picking up the phone every time I call, no longer than two rings in. The way you have an answer to every question and a solution to every mess I find myself in. When the world seems to fall around me, you are constant. When there is a hurricane inside me and I lose sight of myself, you are the rock I cling to until the tides calm.

I am convinced there will never be a bad day that isn't made better by the sound of your voice.

I refuse to let a day go by without hearing it.

My first best friend, my longest best friend, my truest best friend.

Happy 50th, Momma. Thank you for making my world so beautiful.

After the Cap Toss: Pt. 2

Guest Author: Austin Ruder

Hey everyone.

Hannah asked me to write a sequel to her most recent piece talking about life after high school graduation. As someone who went to two different universities in two different states during a five year time period, I think I have a pretty good perspective for you guys that you probably won’t hear from other people.

A warning before we start, I am much more blunt than Hannah is, so if you get offended then know it’s probably a good thing. That means you needed to hear what I laid out in this piece to challenge your perspective. Life after high school is all about broadening your horizons and getting out of your comfort zone. A lot of us are surrounded by people who fit in our comfort zones, and won’t push us to get out of them. In college, people won’t fit into your life so easily, and no one will tiptoe around telling you their opinion. This brings us to my first point.

Getting offended (occasionally) is GOOD!

First on the list of things that you need to realize after finishing high school and before heading off to the next stage is that it isn’t always bad to get offended by what people say and do. Life is full of people with different personalities and opinions, and what makes college great is you get to hear a lot of different opinions from a lot of different backgrounds more so than ever before in your life. Whether or not you go to college, you will interact with people on a daily basis with differing views than you, and that is a necessary step in figuring out what you believe in.

One of the best ways a person really can strengthen their opinion is by having face to face conversations with someone who sees the world differently than themselves. Either disagreeing and having to defend your positions with statistics and facts, or seeing a side you didn’t originally see and developing a new opinion. Social media has made it too easy to be a keyboard warrior, and degrade people you don’t know, and would never have the courage to say what you are typing out. Talking to people in person will teach respectful communication and allow you to see the person behind the different viewpoint. Challenge yourself to have hard conversations in person and get comfortable in your own opinions. You won’t always be surrounded with people who agree with you, and that’s okay. Oftentimes conversational disagreements can escalate when someone confuses differing views with someone disliking them as a person. People today take things too personally from all different viewpoints. It is healthy to have disagreements with people so that we, as a society, and flesh out what the better ideas are moving forward.

This doesn’t just apply to arguments though. People will judge you based on the way you dress, how you act, what you post, how you look, and so on. All of these things can sometimes be hurtful, but how you respond to getting hurt is what will determine the type of person you will be. I can’t tell you how many times I had teammates tell me I was fat, or coaches tell me I needed to work on my abs showing. All of these things were a little hurtful of course, but at the same time led me to make some big changes in my life to get into better shape than I already was and become a better, more humble athlete. I was told I wasn’t good enough to play Division I basketball anymore when I transferred from Missouri State. People disagreed with my choice and the direction I chose to take my life and basketball career. It was difficult to read, but within a matter of months the message boards were saying I would be starting on the very team they said I wasn’t good enough to play for anymore. All that to say, use these instances of disagreement as motivation to reach goals that you have, not discourage you. You don’t need anyone else’s approval or permission to live your life the way you want.

While listening to other people and stepping out of your comfort zone, remember to look inward and reflect on your own views. A lot of people refuse to admit their shortcomings to themselves. Denying the facts and lying to yourself that you have nothing to fix doesn’t help you pursue a healthier or better lifestyle. This leads to friends lying to you because they know you won’t listen. For example, a lot of people struggle with their weight after high school. The end of organized sports for the majority of people and the demise of the high school metabolism strike at the same time. All of that combines to lead to the infamous freshman fifteen, which is usually about forty by graduation year. Say this happens to you and you refuse to admit you haven’t been taking care of yourself like you should. Now, could someone tell you that you should try to be healthier by eating better and exercising without being blunt about it, yes, they can. On the other hand, if people have been telling you for a long time without you making any changes it gets frustrating for them as well. People who care about you will always want the best for you and it can be frustrating when you don’t give the best to yourself. That frustration leads to a blunter approach, which in my honest opinion, works best a lot of times because the message can’t be misunderstood. I use this example because it’s one of the most common ‘issues’ that you will run into after high school. Whether it is politics or weight, understand that most people you meet have good intentions. Unfortunately, not all of them do, but the majority will. You will find most people don’t actually hate other people, but they just have a different way of seeing the world. Be open to opinions that differ from your own, and listen to what people around you have to say. Having your world views and opinions challenged will be some of the best forming factors to help you grow from the graduate you are to the adult you want to be.

Don’t be afraid to be BLUNT

With all of that said, don’t be afraid to be blunt when talking to other people. I have found that it is always better to be brutally honest with people than it is to try to soften the blow of what you’re saying. (Hannah will disagree) At the time of graduating high school, most people have never experienced people telling them the unvarnished truth. Let’s be honest, most of us are uncomfortable being direct with someone in fear of offending them. You will not achieve your goals by avoiding tough conversations with strangers, and even with friends. You have to have the confidence to go after what you want, and the courage to say tough things to people you love to help them. In the long run, taking this approach lets the people around you know that if they need an honest assessment of a situation, they can talk to you because you aren’t going to blow smoke to them. This also prepares you for future business or life decisions when you will need to be honest with yourself and others to make decisions about money and family matters. I’m told a lot that I’m too direct or sometimes called rude because I just say what I think. In defense of those people, sometimes I tend to give my opinion without being asked. Sometimes, though, people will lash out at you just because they don’t like what you have to say. That’s okay, especially with friends, because if they really are your friend, they will appreciate you telling them the truth as you see it. The important thing is to have good intentions with your blunt attitude. The goal is never to hurt feelings or offend anyone, it’s to give the truth in situations where the truth is difficult to give or to hear.

Picking the people you are around CAREFULLY

This one is a pretty short point, but so crucial. As my dad always says, “You are who you hang around.” If you are always surrounding yourself with people who have no ambition or have destructive habits, then you are most likely going to follow in their direction whether you like it or not. Successful people surround themselves with other successful people because it pushes them to be better. If the people you are around aren’t making you better, then maybe it is time to find some new friends. Choose people who further your goals and your happiness. Life is too short to do anything otherwise.

You take full RESPONSIBILITY for your actions

Up until this point, almost everybody has had a supervisor telling them where to go, when to go there, what time dinner is, go to class, go to church, go to practice, get to bed at a decent time, study and so on. As soon as you enter the next phase of your life, all of that disappears. It is now your responsibility to take care of yourself. This includes going to class, going to work/practice, studying, and paying whatever bills you may have. All of this combined at once can be a culture shock for a lot of people. I know many of you are saying “I already did all, if not most, of those things before I graduated.” This may be true, but now there is a huge amount of freedom that you don’t have someone looking over your shoulder to make sure you succeed. Don’t make the mistake of thinking you’re above falling victim to the newfound freedom.

You need to make the decision to get a good degree, and to get good grades to go along with that degree. If you're an athlete, remember sports end for most people after college. You should still work hard to achieve your goals on the field, but don’t sacrifice your academics for it. I had a coach that said “There are 3 areas of college life. Sports, Academics, Social. You can only do 2 of the 3 well.” I was never into partying or drinking, but this made a lot of sense to me. It isn’t possible to party 3 nights a week, and then workout extra the other 4 nights while being able to maintain good grades. Go through the possibilities honestly, and you will see this statement is true. This doesn’t just apply to athletes though. For someone trying to set themselves up for a future career, maybe taking an internship every summer is the best move for you instead of going to the lake all the time. Again, that is for you to decide, but just know there are consequences and benefits, to all actions. You are beginning to set the foundations of your life from this moment on.

Say you have a test Friday morning to see if you can continue moving through your major, but it is one of the biggest parties of the year (Dead Day Eve? Wild Turkey Wednesday? Spring Break?) that all of your friends are begging you to go to. What’s the right call? That will be up for you to decide. College is a good time to experience a lot of different things, and a chance to have fun before the real-world hits you in the face. Notice how I said BEFORE, because it is coming for you whether you’re prepared or not. Make choices that will prepare you for the real world, not just always trying to live in the moment. Making memories is important, but so is setting yourself up for a good life when this stage comes to an end.

Pick a degree that MATTERS

A lot of you have been told “Go to college and get a degree.” Is this good advice? Well, the answer isn’t exactly black and white. There are plenty of degrees that are easy to study in school, therefore they’re very popular, but don’t lead to many career opportunities. These are the degrees people get, and then complain they can’t get a job. In case you haven’t figured it out at this point in your life, nothing is guaranteed to anyone and there is no place for entitlement in college or in life.

This is why getting a good degree in college matters, depending on what you want to pursue. For most things you are going to do in life, an accounting or finance degree will set you on the path towards success in the corporate world. Degrees like general business, marketing, and management are all degrees that can tend to be over-saturated, so you have to ask yourself what the best degree for your future path is and what will set you apart.

For me personally, I chose accounting because I thought it gave me a competitive edge over other applicants. Wouldn’t I be more desirable if I had a degree where I understood the numbers behind why managing a certain way keeps the profit margin up? Or if I could walk into a job and know how to calculate ratios that are deeper than just sales? With marketing it would be a lot easier for me to sell something when I can tell a business owner how a product, or service, will help them earn 1.2% net profit over a 5-year period because it will cut down on the fix cost of the business along with these three variable costs. Those are the things I considered when choosing which path I wanted to go down. There were definitely other degree paths that would have been easier or more interesting, but now that college is over, I'm glad I chose the degree that will serve me after the classes end.

Four-year colleges aren’t for everyone though. Going to a trade school is a great option that not a lot of people take advantage of. Essential jobs like plumbers, electricians, welders and so on will give you a high paying and consistent career for a much lower cost of schooling. There is no reason to see trade school education differently than university education. Trade schools have the benefit of being the road less traveled, therefore can yield an easier direct path to the workforce. Not to mention, the jobs I gave as examples have immediate earning potential after school. Don’t let people shame you into blowing money on a worthless degree if that is not what you want to do. Once again, this is your life and should be tailored to the way you want to live it. Don't get a finance degree if you know you have a passion for hands on work. Pursue what makes you happy, regardless of what your peers are doing. They aren't the ones living your life.

Only a few people actually CARE

Many people make the mistake when they go to college of thinking that everyone actually cares about them. They can’t tell the difference between an acquaintance and a friend. They think their teachers/professors have their best interest at heart. Sadly, most of us find out this isn't true the hard way.

Most people only have about one or two people they could trust with anything. These people are actually your friends. Most of us, however, think that far more people care about us than actually do. We have become so obsessed with social media that we confuse likes with people genuinely caring for us. This couldn’t be further from the truth. Most of the people who like your post would like to see you fall. Not to be dramatic, but I always heard that this life is just like a bucket of crabs… everyone is trying to pull each other down to the bottom so no one can succeed.

This is especially true with athletes. I have heard the same story on repeat talking to athletes for years, “It was so hard when I got to college because I was the best player at my high school and now, I’m not. I don’t get the press I did in high school, and it is just really tough.” This is because they have transitioned from the fun of high school athletics to a a full job in college sports. The only thing people care about in that program is winning. There are no more friends, the coach has known you for maybe a year, and now you’re stuck. Once you're in, the coach moves on to the next recruit because he's preparing for seasons after you. It is a vicious cycle that not many people are prepared for. I understand where they are coming from, and almost every athlete will go through this. This is honestly what determines if people make it or not in college sports. If you're just in it for the accolades or the attention, you won't have the motivation to stick it out. You have to be willing to sacrifice individual glory for the sake of the team. If the team does well, eventually the accolades will follow, but someone only seeking success for themselves will never lead a team to a winning season. Don't fall victim to thinking you will be the same star in college that you were in high school. Put your head down, get to work, and remember why you're doing this in the first place.

When I say not as many people care as you think, it isn't to be a downer. It's to remind you to focus your energy on the ones who do care, those are the ones that matter. Your motivation to do things and succeed should come from those closest to you and from within yourself, not from the world around you.

JUST RELAX

A lot of this time I have been telling you all the things that are important to do to start setting up your future. On the flip side, it is important to understand that you are going to make mistakes, you are going to fail, and you will need help. Probably a lot of it. Don’t be too proud to call on your friends or family for help. On the same note, don’t think it is a burden to make an effort to talk to or see the people who are about you. Your close relationships will be a safe haven that you will need at some point.

When you start finding a person you want to spend your life with, take it seriously. Not all relationships are meant to last, but that's okay. Every failed relationship built the person you are, and prepared you for the right person when they come along. When it comes time to grow up for the person you love, then you need to do it. Finding a life partner is crucial to raising a good family, and to finding true happiness. Life is lonely if you go from person to person your whole life wondering what's missing. You need an anchor who can help you make decisions and help you in times of need. Nobody does life better on their own than they do with the right partner. Finding the right person can't be forced, just focus on being the best version of yourself you can be and the rest will work itself out.

The last advice I will give is to keep it all in perspective. We all need to have goals, and pursue those goals fiercely, but life is about more than achieving goals. Take life in stride, and don’t sweat the small things that in the long run won’t have much of an impact in your life at all. When your life has run its' course, and you are laying on your deathbed, your goals wont matter anymore. Your achievements, money, and awards won’t mean anything to you in that moment. You will be laying there with only your memories and your family, reminiscing on all of the experiences you have had throughout your life. Money won’t comfort you when it is time to see the Lord, but all of the good memories and good people by your side will leave you at peace when you take your last breath.

I hope you guys will enjoy hearing a few things that I think are important to understand heading into this next stage of life. I have a lot more I could say, but I think it is important that you have an amount you can read and digest without a lot of fluff (it just isn’t my style like it is Hannah's). I want to wish you good luck with your coming adventures, and make sure you use the opportunity wisely, and don't forget to have fun.

Austin Ruder

After The Cap Toss

Seniors.

Allow me to be one of the last few people to address you as such. It's June, following the May that was supposed to hold your graduation ceremony. Any other year, this would be the calm after the busiest month of your life so far. Being the ever-so-lucky class of 2020, this year has been an experience unique to only you and your classmates, something equally special and terrifying.

I can't pretend to know what it's like to lose out on memories you've been groomed to dream about for a lifetime. Every Disney sitcom, every teen movie, every young adult novel, I'm looking at you. Especially as young girls, we have practically been taught to equate a senior prom with a wedding on the scale of lifelong importance. Your graduation ceremony is fighting with the eventual birth of your first child to break the top three best days of your life (anyone who has actually sat through a graduation ceremony chuckled there).

The point is, the hype surrounding your senior year of high school is so painfully real. Personally, I had been saving prom dress ideas on Pinterest since I was in the eighth grade. Ironically, I opted out of going to my own high school's senior prom. I was "too cool" ... or something like that. But that's another story. The difference is, I had a choice. I can't imagine the feeling of being told your spring semester was cut in half, half of your goodbyes were just "see you after Spring Break!" and your last walk through the hallways already happened. I can't imagine counting down for an entire school year, only to never get to see the coveted last day of high school ever.

Don't get me wrong, I know there are worse things in the world than missing a night of wearing a dress that's too tight and way too expensive, with an itchy flower on your wrist, spending the whole evening with a boy you won't even talk to in two years. I get it. But when you spend eighteen years of your life expecting to have a certain experience and it's snatched away from you, you're entitled to a little pity party.

Pity party over. You're done with high school, you tossed the metaphorical cap in the air. If you've taken senior pictures, you've probably literally tossed the cap in the air.

What now?

In my infinite wisdom of 21 years, I've learned a thing or two. Typically the hard way. It tends to be a good teacher. However, if I can spare anyone the trouble of learning some of these lessons themselves, it's worth a try. Read on to hear a compilation of the various nuggets of wisdom I acquired since graduating high school.

Your plan for the next four years will most likely be night and day from the place you actually end up in 2024. And that's okay.

Once upon a time, I was enrolled in Southeast Missouri State University, a school four hours away from my hometown. I had sweatshirts with a RedHawk on the front and the founding year on the back. I had a GroupMe with the incoming class of 2016 and snapchatted my three future suite-mates every day. I had already signed the acceptance letter of my scholarship and enrolled in my classes. I researched the city I was living in and planned to transfer from the Springfield Texas Roadhouse to the one in Cape Girardeau. My bedroom at home was full of dorm accessories from Bed, Bath and Beyond. I had already Google mapped the distance from my university to my high school boyfriend's. I had it all planned out.

Then one day, I woke up.

I hate the idea of a dorm. I'm terrified of living with strangers with no space or time to myself. I don't want pack all of my belongings into my 2002 Acura and move four hours away. I don't want to rush sororities with my 'froomies' and eat in a more expensive high school cafeteria. I went to less than one quarter of a football game my senior year, why did I suddenly think I wanted to be at college tailgates every day of the fall?

I told my parents I changed my mind. I texted my roommates I was out. I dropped my classes. I hid my SEMO sweatshirt in the back of my closet. I left the GroupMe and threw away all of my orientation papers.

I enrolled in classes in Springfield. I got a second job working at a bank. I leased an apartment.

Fast forward four years, I've been out of college two years now, with a bachelor's degree in Finance (who am I?) from a school I had never even heard of. I work in Commercial Lending (18 year old me is yawning) and I discovered living alone is the best investment I have ever made. The aforementioned boyfriend and I went our separate ways, turns out high school relationships rarely last (who knew?).

This is not at all how I would have pictured my life. But sitting here in my cozy home, with my high school and college diplomas collecting dust in a closet somewhere, there isn't a thing I would change. Except maybe the price of rent. You get the sentiment.

One year from now, half your classmates who went away to school will be back in Springfield, transferring to a local school. Half the ones at a local school will drop out or take a gap year. Some of the lifelong athletes will hang up their jersey and decide their sports career is over. Old passions will die, new ones will ignite and replace them.

Believe me when I say that you will look around you in four years and realize that the life you're living isn't matching what you wrote down on the planning chart your high school guidance counselor gave you back in the day. That's the beautiful part.

If I was confined to living only the life I could dream up when I was 18 years old, I'd be in big trouble.

Having a plan is important, but so is having an open mind. Listen to your heart, listen to your gut, and listen to the ones who have been there before you (we're very wise).

You are not the only one who didn't rush a sorority.

See also: you're not the only one who isn't living on campus. You're not the only one who's taking a gap year. You're not the only one going to community college. You're not the only one staying in your hometown.

You're not missing out on anything.

The uncertainty of this new stage of life has a way of leaving the door open and letting doubt creep in. Every Instagram post you see of a girl and her 'big' will leave you wondering if they're having more fun than you are. Every old classmate posting about their adventures with their dorm roommate will make you feel like you're missing out on some pivotal college experience. Every time a friend brings up how hard their classes are, you'll wonder if you made the right choice taking a year off, or if you're just putting yourself behind. It will always be something.

I walked away from the roommates and the tailgates and the greek life, and yet I still had the audacity to waste my own time feeling sorry for myself when it seemed like all of my high school friends were living their best lives and I wasn't.

You aren't alone in your decision to pursue the path that you chose. Don't spend so much time fixating on the ones you didn't choose that you forget to live the one you did.

Half the classmates you have will get arrested at some point in the next four years. Make sure it isn't you.

Harsh? Maybe. True? Sadly.

I have seen far too many mugshots from the Class of 2016 for my liking in the past four years. It's incredibly humbling to see someone who tested higher than me on every exam show up on the Springfield Mugshots page. No one is invincible. Not the nice ones, not the pretty ones, not the athletes.

Be smart, be safe, and never let yourself fall into the trap of thinking it could never happen to you. Mugshot lighting isn't flattering and screenshots are forever.

The word 'popular' means nothing outside the walls of high school.

Popularity is a social construct that doesn't exist outside the confines of your alma mater. Don't let yourself believe in a hierarchy based on shallow traits and superficial concepts.

If you've graduated high school and still concern yourself with who's popular and who isn't, you probably watched too many shows on the CW growing up. The world is far too big to worry about being important to anyone besides the people who are important to you.

You don't have to keep in touch with your high school friends.

The sad reality is that the majority of your friendships are based in proximity, not commonalities. You will quickly realize that your circle is tight because you had three classes and a lunch period together and saw each other every day, not because you share anything deeper.

A big part of my first semester of college was spent trying to keep my high school friendships intact. We'd meet up and catch up, and eventually realized we were all vastly different people going in vastly different directions. And that's okay. Some are married, some are playing college sports, some didn't go to college and some did. One is living in Montana (and loving it). I will always have the utmost love and respect for the girls who fill my high school memories. I live to see them grow and smile and make lives for themselves.

Just because you grow apart from people doesn't mean there's beef (for the adults reading, beef means drama, bad blood, animosity). Some people are only in your life for a season and it's okay for friendships to fade.

If you don't have a reason to be in college, don't go to college.

Just like our world puts way too much emphasis on senior prom, it does the same with college. While it's wonderful that there is so much enthusiasm for higher education, it isn't in the cards for everyone. College is expensive (understatement of the century) and shouldn't be used as a pastime.

If you don't know what field of study or career you want to pursue, save yourself the money and wait until you know. Otherwise you'll end up taking classes you may not need, wasting time and money, and you'll end up frustrated.

Don't go to college just because it's what you're supposed to do, it may not be what you're supposed to do.

You will probably 'fall in love' several times before you really do.

I could (and probably will) write an entire post on the different kinds of love you will find in your life. They all play a role in preparing your heart for the one who's meant to love it.

No matter how infatuated you are with your high school boyfriend and how crazy it drives you when people tell you it probably won't last, it probably won't. You know what? That's perfectly okay. You will both go off and find people better suited to the human beings you're becoming.

You'll probably fall for another someone (or several someones) before you find what you've been looking for. Just remember that every failed relationship is either a lesson or a funny anecdote for future dinner parties.

Alcohol weight is real thing.

It's all flip cup and cheap beer until your jeans don't fit and your leggings are see through. Alcohol weight sneaks up on you, the silent attacker. Anyone who loves them a good time will find themselves packing on a little extra insulation come sophomore year of college. The cafeteria meal plans don't help, and neither does the Taco Bell dollar menu when you're a broke college kid.

Doritos Locos Tacos count as a balanced breakfast right?

Allow me to give you a visual aid. Below, you'll find me in three different stages of life. Before I ever drank alcohol, when discovered alcohol and took it to excess, and now where I only drink on occasion. In all three, I was eating healthy and working out almost every day. In the middle, I had discovered drinking for the first time. I was going out every weekend and drinking by the pool during the summer. I didn't change or stop my healthy habits, I just picked up an unhealthy one. I didn't even realize my body was changing, until one day I realized I had gained close to 30 lbs. It truly does sneak up on you. People are quick to warn you about the dangers of alcohol but rarely do they mention how it affects your body. I'm not going to sit here and pretend that telling college students to limit their alcohol intake will do any good, but don't say I didn't warn you. Moderation is your friend.

'High School Skinny' isn't real.

... and you'll never again have your high school metabolism. My high school self burned more calories sitting in Algebra sneaking Cheez-Its under the desk than my adult self does doing HIIT and lifting weights every day. It's an unexplained form of sorcery that's just best not to question.

Do not, and I repeat, DO NOT look at old pictures of yourself from high school and wonder why you aren't that skinny anymore. YOU WERE NOT DONE GROWING THEN. You weren't a fully formed human being. I was practically a fetus in my senior composite, how can I expect to go back to that weight?

On the same note, don't compare your body to teeny high school girls once you're in college. They are children.

This stage of life isn't to find a husband. It's to find yourself.

Everyone has their own version of the 'engaged by 22, married by 23, kids by 25' plan. Let me just tell you, that plan will fly out the window when you see the selection of potential suiters you have within the ages of 18-22. Spoiler: most of them have the emotional capacity of a walnut and probably don't know how to do laundry.

Your late teens and early twenties aren't a treasure hunt leading up to a husband. Some people find their 'soulmate' in their 8am Econ lecture freshman year, others don't find theirs until they've been out of college for years. There's no way to predict it and there's no way to force it. Don't treat your freshman year like your own version of The Bachelorette.

Spending your one and only youth searching for someone else will drastically reduce the amount of time you have to focus on finding the person that actually matters: yourself. This is the one time of life where selfishness is not only allowed, but encouraged. Make decisions without consulting anyone else (except maybe your mom), go off the grid, learn to cook for one person. Do things that you won't be able to do when you share a life with someone else.

Spend your time after high school focusing on becoming the person you want to be, not finding the person you want to be with. If you truly focus on being the most happy, genuine version of you, the rest will take care of itself.

You don't have to know what you want to do for the rest of your life.

Believe it or not, when I was a little girl, I didn't dream of one day spreading tax returns and studying finance (I still don't). Throughout my life, I had hundreds of dream careers and dozens of majors that I couldn't decide between. When I got to college, I blanked. The majors I actually wanted to pursue (i.e. creative writing) probably wouldn't have paid the bills. Thus, I fell into the pattern of decision making that so many college students do. I declared a major based on the stability of the job market and the promise of constant employment. Finance was a great major for me personally, as it pushed me out of my shell of blissful ignorance about the way the world worked and challenged me to understand things that I otherwise wouldn't have ever learned. I feel that it made me more well rounded and for that I'm grateful.

Now, working in commercial lending, I wouldn't necessarily say I have a passion for what I do. However, I like what I do, and it gives me the financial and freedom to pursue things I truly am passionate about. Plus, you know, government holidays are nice.

All that to say, there probably won't be a moment at the college fair when the clouds part and the heavens shine golden light down upon the table for one particular course of study and you just know it's for you. You might have several different majors you're stuck choosing between, or you might be stumped with not a clue which path to take. Don't put the pressure on yourself to have your major declared by the time you set foot on campus for the first time. If you do, that's awesome, but be open to change. Changing your course isn't failure, and rerouting isn't the end of the world. You will grow and change a monumental amount during your college years, make sure your plan has the flexibility to grow and change with you.

One day, summers will cease to exist. Enjoy each one a little extra.

In high school, summers are the best time of the year. No school, no schedule, no responsibility. At some point, all of that has to end when we enter the cold and lonely real world of year round employment. Between internships, summer jobs, and entering the workforce for real, everyone has a different age that they experience their 'last summer'.

Let me tell you, there isn't much more frustrating than sitting in a freezing cold office, with florescent lights overhead and a headache from staring at a computer screen all day, only to hop on Snapchat and see all of your friends at the lake at 2pm on a Tuesday afternoon. Not going to lie, it sucks. We would all rather be laying by the pool all week than sitting in an office, but unfortunately for me, I have expensive habits and it costs money to exist. Therefore I'll continue to sit in my office and harbor minor bitterness to everyone my age who still gets a summer vacation.

You don't know when your last 'real' summer will be. Enjoy every moment of it. Mess up your sleep schedule, go to the lake every chance you can get, get sunburnt (don't tell my esthetician I said that). Soak it all in.

Learn to laugh when you fall down, not cry.

The ability to laugh at myself is a fairly new skill I've learned. For the longest time, I lived in emotional confinement because I was afraid to admit failures or struggles to anyone. I refused to admit when I was struggling with a class, refused to admit when I got a credit card and charged it too high without realizing, refused to admit when I forgot to pay personal property tax on time the first year I was out on my own.

You will never feel heavier than when you attempt to keep up a perfect facade. The impossible standard of success in every aspect will suck the life right out of you. You will fall down, you will make stupid mistakes, you will embarrass yourself.

Being able to laugh at yourself is one of the most healing abilities to have. Let go of the expectation that you will do everything right the first time and never need to ask for help or have to admit to struggling. Failure is inevitable, but knowing you'll shrug, chuckle, and bounce back is what takes the sting away.

The only opinion that matters about your life is yours.

As a new high school graduate, everyone will have their two cents to give to you. With any luck, the advice will be accompanied with a 'Congrats Grad!' card with a check inside. Be prepared for the most unsolicited advice you've ever been bombarded with before. As you listen and learn to everyone with their tips and tricks and warnings, remember one thing.

You are the only person who has to live your life. No one else has to walk through every day of the life you build. Regardless of other opinions or judgements, build a life that suits you. Don't change your trajectory for anyone. You never want to wake up and realize you crafted a life based on societal expectations and opinions of those around you and it isn't the life you want to live.

Be open to advice, be teachable, be curious. Accept help when it's offered. But remember that it's your life, your opinion, your journey.

Learn to love your own company.

Like I said before, living alone was one of the best investments I ever made. I don't mean financially. If we were talking financially, I would probably say that my air fryer is the best investment I have ever made.

After high school and after you leave home, there is far more alone time than you'd think. Being comfortable being alone has been my saving grace. Living alone allowed me to dig deeper into my own thoughts and feelings, uninterrupted by anyone else around me. I found the version of myself that existed when no one was around to watch or cheer me on or judge me.

I love my own company. I'm hilarious and know exactly how I take my coffee.

In all seriousness, make time for yourself. Learn to think for yourself. Learn what you like and dislike when no one is around to influence it. People will come and go in life, but you will always be constant. Make sure you know yourself and love yourself.

If you've heard bad things about him, save yourself the trouble.

Not to say you should believe everything you hear, but trust me on this one. If he has a bad reputation or you've been warned, just don't go there. Leave it to another girl to find out if the bad rumors are true or not.

Your comfort zone is a cage.

Coming out of high school leaves you with invisible constraints keeping you inside the walls of what was expected and acceptable where you came from. Don't be afraid to do what no one else is doing, go where no one else is going, wear what no one else is wearing.

Like I said before, you are the only one who has to live each and every day in your life. Get out of your comfort zone and find what life has to offer beyond the invisible fence that keeps you tame.

The sky will seem like it's falling, but I promise, it will pass.

If my calculations are correct, the world has ended approximately zero times in my twenty one years of living. However, there are about 57 different times when I swore that it was and went full crisis mode.

You're young and tough and strong and resilient. Or if you aren't, you will be when the next four years are over. I'm not just talking about college being challenging. It definitely can be, but what I mean is that the stage of life where your teenage years end and your twenties begin is the most tumultuous and transitional time in your life. Everyone is growing and changing around you, you're evolving within yourself. There will be growing pains and heartache and enough confusion to last a lifetime. Every hard experience is molding you into the magnificent adult who will actually get to live the life you're building.

You don't actually have to pull all nighters cramming for finals.

Here's another comically false movie trope: spending finals week in the library, surviving off of Takis and Red Bull, pulling all nighters studying. None of that is real.

If you pay attention and keep up with your classes, nine times out of ten you'll be fine. Plus, if you don't know it the night before your exam, staying up all night cramming isn't going to change that.

This is just another way society likes to romanticize the idea of the struggling college student. If you study better at 2am with copious amounts of caffeine running through your veins, then by all means. Just don't spend your entire semester dreading finals week and expecting it to be an insurmountable challenge where sleep is nonexistent and everyone is suffering. It's a myth.

You will have instructors who just don't want you to pass.

When I said above that nine times out of ten you'll succeed in college if you keep up with the workload and study during the semester, I meant it. However, the one out of ten does exist. Some professors take pride in having a course so challenging that they're known for tanking students' GPA. It's frustrating, and doesn't make a lot of sense considering the instructors' job is to instruct and if that isn't done adequately it should be a bigger reflection on them than the students.

Unfortunately, it's just a fact of college life. Use the app RateMyProfessor, ask around, do your research. Most of the time you can figure out which classes to avoid like the Coronavirus (too soon?).

There is no "right way" to do this part of life.

Like I said so many times during this novel of a post, no one else has the perfect roadmap for life. There is no right way to navigate your young adulthood. Of course, there are very wrong ways (see item three on this list).

You will feel at times like you're completely off course and have no idea what you're doing. That's normal. There is no golden manual for how to survive college and become a successful and happy human being. That's because the formula for everyone is different. Taking the path I took to get me to my current happy state might not work for anyone else, and taking someone else's path might have left me miserable. Don't compare your journey to anyone else's.

Find your people.

I already mentioned how it's okay to grow apart from your high school friends. When old things die, new things can take root. Opening your mind to finding people who have more in common with you than just homeroom is another amazing investment into a happy and fulfilling life.

One of my favorite sayings is that you are a culmination of the people closest to you. When you look around at the company you keep, are you proud to be a reflection of that?

Don't be afraid to distance yourself from people who don't bring out the best in you, don't support you, or don't push you. Stay far away from people who make you feel like you're hard to love.

This is your one life, don't waste it being anything but surrounded by people who love you back.

College isn't always four years.

One more thing on the 'everyone has a different journey' point. Some people take half the time to finish college, some people take twice the amount. So many things go into consideration. Financial situations vary, some people have to work and take fewer courses, some people change their major and start fresh, some take gap years. While a college degree can be finished in four years doesn't mean that it has to be.

I got my bachelor's degree in two years, and my boyfriend was in school for five. Do I use this as a reason to remind him I'm smarter than him whenever it comes up? Absolutely I do.

Outside of that particular example which works in my favor to gloat about, the amount of time it takes you to finish college isn't a reflection of how smart you are. Don't let anyone make you feel like your accomplishments are lesser because of the amount of time it took you to reach them.

This is the most fleeting, painfully long, magical, dreadful time of your life.

I had previously used the word tumultuous to describe this phase of your life, and I think that's the best way I could have put it. Your world is ever-changing, and it seems to spin especially fast after high school ends. I experienced my deepest heartaches and my most euphoric, happy days in the past four years.

Both the best and worst days of your life haven't even happened yet. You will discover things about yourself that amaze and terrify you. You will surprise yourself with your own resilience. This isn't a race, there is no finish line. This a journey where the goal is to find the happiest way to travel through life.

Enjoy the newfound freedom, drink the cheap beer, try all the new things, laugh until you cry. Study hard, but don't forget to look up from the textbook and relish in this new life. Never fall into the trap of thinking you have it all figured out. Some of these "lessons" I wrote are still a work in progress in my own life. Just because you will one day cease to be a student doesn't mean you should stop learning.

Congrats graduates... welcome to the world.

High school, college, and now. If only the first two girls knew what adventures were to come.